My Unconscious…..My Adversary

I wrote this over six years ago while going through a bout of intense pain from sciatica and, having tried many of the external remedies, went inside and did the work necessary to banish the pain. Today the pain is emotional and comes from my fear of declaring who I am and what I want. I’ll do the work again and see what happens knowing that it will be difficult but that I really have no choice.

March 2, 2001

The pain continues. My unconscious mind will not understand that I can handle its truth. It is becoming my adversary and like previous internal adversaries I must make it my friend….my child. I need to deeply understand that it doesn’t understand who I am. I decided many years ago that I wasn’t good enough and have spent more than 50 years protecting and nurturing this misinformation. I have, at the same time, tried to convince the world that I was OK. I never understood that that was an easy thing to do because it was true. I have always been more than good enough.

This adversary whom I am now trying to bring back into the fold is very stubborn and I am, in an odd way, proud of him. He thinks he is doing my bidding as he has for most of my life. I am the culprit who, by realizing that I am a good and worthy person, has placed him in this adversarial position.

For the past few weeks I have been trying to overpower him through psychological combat and have lost. Combat is always a losing proposition. I need to ask his forgiveness for misleading him for these many years. I have to forgive myself also for this deception. I didn’t know I was wrong. It seemed the best and maybe the only way to survive.

This overprotective child needs to be loved and encouraged back to the truth. We need to understand more and more that I am the little boy who, in the early 1940’s, I’ve been told walked up to strangers, extended his little hand and declared; Hi I’m Phil McGee. That little boy knew he was part of the world and he loved himself and he knew he was loved. He abandoned those beliefs at some point and decided he was shameful, that he wasn’t good enough.

This notgoodenoughnik doesn’t exist and yet he is the lie being defended by my unconscious… adversary. I love you adversary and I will keep loving you until you accept my love. I know you will have accepted it when my physical pain leaves. I want desperately for you to know that we are the perfect Phil McGee and that we always have been. Together we can be more lovingly powerful than you can possibly imagine. We will be able to do great things in the lives of countless people who need us and are wandering around in their lives feeling incomplete and less than adequate. We will also continue to wander because divided we will be unable to recognize our ability to shine our light into the lives of those who need us.

Posted August 20, 2007

1 Comment

Just testing to see if this gets to you…


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